8 Signs of Rocky Relationship...

WHEN a relationship ends in divorce, you often hear one partner exclaiming that he/she had no idea things would have turned out that way. Really and truly though, relationships don't just go sour overnight, there are normally tell-tale signs that scream that something is not right. Some people ignore these signs, hoping they will just go away, while others are too busy to even notice them. Couples should take the time to examine what they are doing right and look for ways to improve those things that they are not.

If you ignore the signs, you should never point fingers or blame anyone if things don't work out your way. Here are eight signs to identify a rocky relationship.

Sign # 1 — Communication is minimal: If you find that you are only exchanging words about the weather, the children, the house, or if you are just saying hi and bye, or yes and no, then your relationship could be in big trouble. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, you should be engaging in regular communication. You should be talking about your hopes and dreams, your joys and sorrows and everything else in-between.

Sign # 2 — When sex is by appointment only: Some may feel that because they are still engaging in sexual activities then all is well; this is not necessarily true. Remember that some people will have sex only out of a sense of duty, no motion, no lotion, or anything of the sort. Mark you, it is a couple's prerogative to choose sex by appointment, but eyebrows should be raised if that's their only method.

Sign # 3 — Constant threat of divorce: For those who are married, it is wrong to keep on threatening your spouse with divorce as soon as you are displeased. When you consistently entertain the thoughts of divorce, it will easily become a reality. Constant mention of divorce can suggest that you are unhappy, dissatisfied, or disappointed and you want out. Do not even joke about divorce, because it is a negative word and it can have negative connotations.

Sign # 4 — Talking down to each other: When you are downright disrespectful, that is one sure sign that your relationship is heading in the wrong direction. Watch your words, and let only the pleasant ones escape your lips. Talking down to each other should be a definite no-no.

Sign # 5 — Consistent arguing: Have you ever noticed how some couples are always arguing? Everything that one says offends the other? Couples who secretly resent each other may not verbalise their true feelings but sometimes, unbeknownst to them, it shows up when they are relating one to another.

Sign # 6 — Lack of trust: Regardless of what might have happened in the past, couples must find ways to restore the trust factor because it is a foregone conclusion that lack of trust is a root cause of breakdown in many relationships. I can almost hear you saying it is not that easy, but never fail to try and keep on looking on the bright side.

Sign # 7 — Plans only for self: Single people tend to think 'I', while married people normally think 'we'. Therefore, when things are not going right in the relationship, one partner may even subconsciously revert to the 'I' way of thinking.

Sign # 8 — Your spouse is not your friend: Lots of family therapists will tell you that your partner should be your best friend and I agree that this is the ideal. However, this might be easier said than done. If this is not your case, continue to work at it. If your spouse is not your friend, not even in a minute way, then it will only be a matter of time before your relationship ends.

Remember that your relationship is like a plant, treat it well and it will blossom and flourish to beautify your surroundings, but leave it unattended and uncared for and it withers and dies. A plant that is on the verge of death can be restored to life with proper care. Likewise, a relationship that is on the rocky road can be revived, if you are aware of what to look for and how to make the appropriate amendments.

Magic Word

Got scolded just to wait for him to on9..

Got burned just because to learn to cook him something..

Needed to work very hard and survey all around just for his birthday present..

Sleepless night for 4.5 months just to wait for him..

Wake super early because worried about him..

Spend so much for him..

Planned so much and face so many obstacles just for a happy trip..

Got accused and being commented by friends which all the accuse is not true..

Tears are poured just as the greatest waterfall..

Mentally and physically exhausted because of him..

ETC & Etc & Etc... uncountable...

Everything is for him..

I am amazed that how Love can do to a person.. One can lose his mind totally for the word "love". one can totally become irrational and do whatever for the person that he/she thinks worthy.. But in return, what that person can get? If he/she is being appreciated, the love will flows continually and happily. But what if not? The suffers are feelings cannot be translated into words.. really fascinate how I can undergo all this pain and yet still can survived.. But how's the future? No one knows except the Almighty One.. It seems not bright enough for me because everything seems so one-sided.. What I am holding to that makes me still go on? I guess is the same old word: LOVE

Girl, the 8th wonder of the world...

All about a girl:

When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.

When she is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When she staring at you, she is wondering why loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted.

When she calls you everyday, she wants to know how you are doing.

When she sms you everyday, she wants you to reply at least once.

When she says I miss you, no one in this world can miss you more than her.

When she says, i will stand by your side, she will stand by you like a rock.

Girls always special.

She is said to be the 8th wonder.

She is always a priceless treasure.

Never hurt her or take her wrong or for granted.

The candy of the day...

@ Boyfriends who actually treat their girlfriends like princesses :)

@ A guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and just listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your cheek to show he cares.

@ Girl; how much do you love me? Boy; look up at the sky. Girl: don't change the subject! Boy: just do it! Girl, okay what am I doing? Boy: count how many stars there are? Girl: impossibe. Boy: and so is explaining my love for you♥

@ Girl: How much do you like me? Boy: Looks at grass. Girl: Hello? Boy: Can you count how many pieces of grass are on the ground? Girl: IMpossible. Boy: Excactly. Thats how hard it is for me to explain my love to you.

@ Boys who send good morning beautiful to their girl; holds her hand infront of their friends; sits down and talks to you when you have a problem; and making sure that each minute he tells you you're the best thing that's ever happend to him! ♥

@ Oh Im sorry, I thought I actually meant something to you... Silly me. on We ♥.

Love's Best friend is Honesty...

Hiding your true self is really something hard.. It is not something easy, at least not to me. I am those that will need to speak and burst out everything in my mind. For me, to keep quiet when I know something is not right makes me like a great sinner. I think of it all the time and it makes feel really sad and lost. I couldn't believe that this happens to me too.. I really wanted to find out the truth and be very frank to him. I know it is not a healthy thing to be dishonest to each other in a relationship. I hope he can be honest to me this time and hopefully the outcome is favourable. I really can't wait to solve it at tis minute too because I really cannot stand the pain anymore. Please don't cheat me anymore.. It hurts so much...

And the story continues..

• You know how it feels when you are someone that is impatient but yet you need to wait for something always. It makes you feel that you are forever waiting. I think one day I will be immune and it might not be something good I guess...
• I am happy because I thought I finally get some effort from him but actually it is just a reminder that you asked someone to do... Total disappointment..
• Yesterday I heard a really inspiring theory from Peter. He says that actually all this while we have been mistreating relationship. Why we can live so happily during the not-yet relationship period, this is because we don't have a relationship at that time which will in return doesn't place much expectations on each other. So, when we get into a relationship, we will tend to set an expectations or standard for each other to achieve and when any party couldn't meet up to the expectations, then conflict will occur. So, in order to continue a relationship, we need to think it as no relationship. Treat each other like before. Got relationship= no relationship theory. Generally I agree with the theory which I think it's a new perspective of thinking about relationship but for me, if I did not place any expectations towards him, then what is his difference with other people. I think basic type of duty and action should be done.
• He says he need more time, so as what I have promised myself, I will give him more time and he won't get anymore disturbance from me...
• Quoted from Wai San, "Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without". I thought I found one already but I really doubt now that is he feeling the same towards me.. If he does, I don't think he still need time to think about his dream future...

Guys and Girls are just so different

According to my survey around my guys friend and also lotssss of girl friends, i came to this conclusion that they will always place study above their partners and later in life job above them. So kesian rite girls? Are we really so not worth their care and love. We are really so unimportant to them? Maybe partner can be found everywhere but to fulfill their own satisfaction and achievement is something valueable. This two sexes that God has created is not only differ in numbers of bone in their body but most drastic differences is their thinking. What a girl perceive as important, the guy would never get to understand. They will just think things case by case. Resolving things one by one. But they just could not understand the core problems that they always ignore. For an example, a guy late for date, they will think that it is just late, but for girls how you handle the late and why you late very closely related to how important is that girl in your heart.

Guys always like to say, I din do that this and that doesn't mean that I don't love you. You all are wrong. What girls value is the core value. But I know guys sure couldn't figure out a single thing from what I wrote coz you guys will never consider all this. Then, you all will blame the girl for making small matter big, but have you ever self evaluate yourself, that this small matter actuallymeans a lot to a girl and directly hurt a girl's feeling. You would not know this small matter would lead to bigger crack in your relationship. You guys would only look at the shallow and surface problem but girls looking at the core and in depth things which guys will never ever appreciate.

Haih.. Why are these tow species so different. If it is not, then the world would be better.....

It's just because she loves you...

Actually many guys did not realised, the fact that after girls putting out their temper, when they turn their back, they will cry like mad.

Actually many guys did not realised, girls don't really will mad at them, they just want their boy to care more for them.

Actually many guys did not know, girls will only nag when with their loved ones. They will only being very emo to the one they love.

You must know that if they don't love you, they won't even bother whether you care for them or not.

You need to know, if she does not love you, he won't throw her temper on you to make you pujuk her and pamper her. In front of other people, she is always someone very good and polite.

You need to know, if she does not love you, you would not have the ability to make her drop her tears, she won't mad at something more than 2 days. It's all due to a simple fact that she loves you. And this is also because you did not give enough care and concern to her. You did not understand her well. As a result, lots of argument occurred. Then, you will think that she is bad tempered. Then she will think you as not considerate enough. Cold war follows. You thought that she doesn't like you anymore. She thinks that you don't care for her anymore

In the end, you both treat each other as strangers. Maybe you might came across each other but as a stranger. It is a tragedy overall.

Because she loves you, she will sometimes throw temper at you, wants your pamper all the time.

Because she loves you, that's why she mad at you

Because she loves you, she won't bring the temper overnight

You should know, every girl is made up of crystal. Crystal is so fragile. You came into her heart so easily but left with injuries.

She never knew that there's someone that can make her cry. Because the person who deserved the tears would not let her cry. She might be cold, proud, persistent. She always ask you to go away, but in the heart ask you to stay.

Please open your ears, heart and listen to her real shout out. You can't see her tears. If you really love her, Please put her into your arms, love her more, pamper her more. We often see hurting each other in relationship. But what we need is warmness, sweetness and love and not hurt.

What she need is just your pamper, a kiss, a hug and your love...

* Appreciate your loved ones because there won't be second chance once you break the fragile crystal as girls really mean it if they are totally disappointed on you...

*Credited to Belle

Contradictory

Had a great time shopping. It's been long since I really do shopping without restricting myself. That feeling is like letting go a long captured bird... Fly it goes... Thx Sing Li for the company. Had a great time and some girly talk. And realized girls actually have very similar thinking about guys or it's just us because we grew up in very similar environment. And from the conversation, I feel glad that I'm not the only one that care about that. Girls are sensitive and contradict. Knowing that it will hurts but we still dig a hole for ourselves to fall into it. But I tell you, guys is even worse. Telling us to take care and don't want us to diet, loving how we are but actually you guys to care a lot. Appearance is a major factor when you choose your partner. Think hard, it is embedded in your inner self. So do face the reality. Another thing that I think the world should be concerning is the gender biases that are spreading all around the world. Why there are privileges that only guys enjoy? That is so unfair... I'm so sorry if I offense anyone. It is just some personal opinions and thoughts I suddenly came across. I wanted to promise myself not to do that again.. That will only hurt myself and I'm shouldn't be that silly to be heart aching because of this...

Diversion from the true meaning

Another inspirations from a brother in Christ. He was absolutely right when he say there's some kind of diversion in the focus of the camp. We need to constantly remind ourselves that we organize these camps with an ultimate goal which is to serve God and hopefully we can be the walking gospel in the groups of students. We hope that the love of God can be shown through us, those who has already experienced the love of God. But unfortunately, what the student has perceived might be different. They might think that the talents, the communication skills and appearance are more appealing to them. This is quite wrong when we actually think deeply. Yup, literally we are organizing motivational camp, our task is to help them and try to motivate them and indirectly involve in behaviour changing. But the latent meaning should be clearly and deeply embedded into the heart of each volunteer. Each step we took, each word we say and even every non-verbal cues we send out bring meaning to them and it actually reatly affects them. So we as someone who carries the great mission should think not only twice but thrice or even more in everything that we do. We should each examine the real and true motivation behind us. We go there for? To gain confidence? To expand your social life? To gain experience? To gain attention? or To glorify God? This is very important because we know what inside our heart is the most important thing. We live in a world that is not isolated from non-christians, so we need to be aware that we need to stay alert always in no matter what we do. As I can see from the camp, we really did make big impact to the students but is that a good one or the opposite end? We must really evaluate it cos if it is a bad one then we should take correlation action asap before the original aim and objective of this service get contaminated. We do work to glorify God and not to show how certain individuals can carry out their task excellently. No individualistic but collectivism that should be taken place where everyone work together with the same good motive and heart. How beautiful is the picture? So bear this in mind, I'm telling you, yes you SHERMAINE CHAN SUET MANN!!

PS: Not referring this to anyone. Based on my personal observations and perceptions and most importantly, acting as a reminder to myself.

Self-Reflection

Attitude and how you view yourself really affected by how people view you? Socially constructed I would say. I think it's partially true. It much depends on how the relationship of the viewer and the context you are in. Some might say I'm noisy but in a different context I'm considered a quiet person to someone. No matter how, I realised something about myself.

• I can be very talkative that you feel like asking me to shut up when I'm around people who I am comfortable with but in a totally opposite manner if I'm full of uncertainty.
• I'm not really good in socializing or to be more precise I'm just not that kind of person. I don't really like socializing when I don't feel like but sometimes I'm quite amazed of how a few close friend of mine can really socialize ( I guess that's me )
• I can communicate better with guys rather than girls, don't ask me why but that is what I've observed. It can also be proved by the number of male close friends I have are so outnumbered female close friends. Some of my male friends tend to say they don't really treat me as a girl ( a brother? ) But it doesn't really matter for true friends. Some might think I'm extremely reliable ( according to most of my close friends ) but yesterday I found out a rather unusual case where a friend of mine don't really think I am ( but maybe because we are still not consider as close friends ). kinda shocking to me but we need to accept the fact that everyone has their own perception about something. You can't control what they perceive as correct and wrong. I guess that's the interesting part of life

Ok, those who are reading might suddenly think I so emo but in fact, I'm not. Just suddenly think of this and feel like writing it down. Ok, we move to other better things. Haha.. You guys should give me a clap of hands. I've just finish reading six chapters of SRM in 5 hours+ time. Wow... Friday is the test, so I hope I can finish it by today lo... Cheer everyone!!

Gives and Take

Love doesn't always need to get back what it actually gives out. I agree with it. We always heard of the saying "Give is better than take" This is also the same applies to friends, family and other human being. We won't feel always that unhappy if we think this way. This is by not demanding too much from other people, in some aspect we are actually being hypocrite of giving other people something and hoping for something in return. Sometimes it will give us the satisfactory that cannot described with the limited words created by human being. But honestly, to put it into practical is not an easy task. Learning and hopefully improving now. Gambateh!!!