Magic Word

Got scolded just to wait for him to on9..

Got burned just because to learn to cook him something..

Needed to work very hard and survey all around just for his birthday present..

Sleepless night for 4.5 months just to wait for him..

Wake super early because worried about him..

Spend so much for him..

Planned so much and face so many obstacles just for a happy trip..

Got accused and being commented by friends which all the accuse is not true..

Tears are poured just as the greatest waterfall..

Mentally and physically exhausted because of him..

ETC & Etc & Etc... uncountable...

Everything is for him..

I am amazed that how Love can do to a person.. One can lose his mind totally for the word "love". one can totally become irrational and do whatever for the person that he/she thinks worthy.. But in return, what that person can get? If he/she is being appreciated, the love will flows continually and happily. But what if not? The suffers are feelings cannot be translated into words.. really fascinate how I can undergo all this pain and yet still can survived.. But how's the future? No one knows except the Almighty One.. It seems not bright enough for me because everything seems so one-sided.. What I am holding to that makes me still go on? I guess is the same old word: LOVE

Follow the Heart

Am I doing what I suppose to? I am just following my heart and I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just want to do what I can to make the relationship better. So sorry if it makes you feel bad. I can have all the blame but I know this is the right decision to make. If not, more problems and suspecting will arise. At least now I don't have to worry so much. I hope you can really understand why am I doing this..

I don't give a damn anymore...

No more tears..

No more upset alone..

No more asking you to do this and that..

I will never care so much anymore..

I can still survive on my own..

I have so many people that care for me..

I won't sad anymore for people that don't know how to appreciate me..

Up to you what you wanna do..

Up to you how you treat our promises...

Coz I won't give a damn anymore..

Please don't regret...

And the story continues..

• You know how it feels when you are someone that is impatient but yet you need to wait for something always. It makes you feel that you are forever waiting. I think one day I will be immune and it might not be something good I guess...
• I am happy because I thought I finally get some effort from him but actually it is just a reminder that you asked someone to do... Total disappointment..
• Yesterday I heard a really inspiring theory from Peter. He says that actually all this while we have been mistreating relationship. Why we can live so happily during the not-yet relationship period, this is because we don't have a relationship at that time which will in return doesn't place much expectations on each other. So, when we get into a relationship, we will tend to set an expectations or standard for each other to achieve and when any party couldn't meet up to the expectations, then conflict will occur. So, in order to continue a relationship, we need to think it as no relationship. Treat each other like before. Got relationship= no relationship theory. Generally I agree with the theory which I think it's a new perspective of thinking about relationship but for me, if I did not place any expectations towards him, then what is his difference with other people. I think basic type of duty and action should be done.
• He says he need more time, so as what I have promised myself, I will give him more time and he won't get anymore disturbance from me...
• Quoted from Wai San, "Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without". I thought I found one already but I really doubt now that is he feeling the same towards me.. If he does, I don't think he still need time to think about his dream future...

A dream future without me or a simple future with my company?

What do you want? It is 10 days since you replied my mail and 4 freaking days since we chatted. Or I should ask, what do I want? Why I am so desperate? People is not so worried, why are you so gan jeong.. I really hate myself for being like that. Why should I be so depress and checking out every minute to see whether he is on9 anot? Who knows he is enjoying himself so much while I am the only silly one that cares so much.. I should enjoy myself to the max coz if he does not appreciate me, then it is totally his lost... Be stronger and firmer this time...

A nice phrase that I have created few days ago,

" A dream future without me or a simple future with my company? "

Stronger..

I really hate myself so much. Hate myself being too weak. I can actually live on my own. Why I can't just keep him out of my mind. I can't be any stricter. I said we will only contact after a while, every time I wanted to show him that I am angry by not contacting him, it won't last long.. Just 2days after we chatted and I feel like leaving him a comment. He promised to reply my mail since last Wed, and he is off this 2 days, but I haven't received any reply. I don't think he will reply me by today, it will be a waste only waiting for it, checking it every minute because he is now having fun with his "friends".. Who i am to him? I don't think it is really as important as I thought. I don't care who is reading this, but in fact I don't think there's reader for this dull blog. Haih.. Please be stronger la, Shermaine Chan.. It will only bring sorrow and disappointment to yourself. So please be rational la.. Accept the fact...

Decisions to leave or not?

When a couple has very different thinking in their dream future, lots of unavoidable conflict will arise. Willing or not we need to face it. The saddest part is the dream future is being too practical ( logical ) or even being too sentimental.. Generally guys do the thinking and girls control the emotion. But why can't we make it balance. It is not an easy task. Coz we know the formation of guys and girls in terms of thinking is very different. Girls always think of the relationship but guys only will be too practical. Then, it is more rational that they just live their live with all the money and luxury. Is money above everything? Haih. i don't worth that much? Now waiting for the answer and I am feeling unfair because he is the one that make decision. Can't he think from my side? You can leave your family all including me? But I don't think I can be that cruel..

Patients preceeds unity...

I just can't understand why on earth there's this kind of leader? Want to be leader and it undeniable that he has the quality but that is not the only criteria. I would say being responsible is indeed a more important criteria. Be responsible in things you do, performing your duty accordingly and please most importantly being a someone that can control yourself verbally. Some of the words just being too silly to come out from a mouth of a leader which already reach the age of maturity. Sometimes it is really a very challenging thing to work with someone like that. What I can do now is to be patient and hopefully he can have greater learning from this coming task.. God bless everyone...

It's just because she loves you...

Actually many guys did not realised, the fact that after girls putting out their temper, when they turn their back, they will cry like mad.

Actually many guys did not realised, girls don't really will mad at them, they just want their boy to care more for them.

Actually many guys did not know, girls will only nag when with their loved ones. They will only being very emo to the one they love.

You must know that if they don't love you, they won't even bother whether you care for them or not.

You need to know, if she does not love you, he won't throw her temper on you to make you pujuk her and pamper her. In front of other people, she is always someone very good and polite.

You need to know, if she does not love you, you would not have the ability to make her drop her tears, she won't mad at something more than 2 days. It's all due to a simple fact that she loves you. And this is also because you did not give enough care and concern to her. You did not understand her well. As a result, lots of argument occurred. Then, you will think that she is bad tempered. Then she will think you as not considerate enough. Cold war follows. You thought that she doesn't like you anymore. She thinks that you don't care for her anymore

In the end, you both treat each other as strangers. Maybe you might came across each other but as a stranger. It is a tragedy overall.

Because she loves you, she will sometimes throw temper at you, wants your pamper all the time.

Because she loves you, that's why she mad at you

Because she loves you, she won't bring the temper overnight

You should know, every girl is made up of crystal. Crystal is so fragile. You came into her heart so easily but left with injuries.

She never knew that there's someone that can make her cry. Because the person who deserved the tears would not let her cry. She might be cold, proud, persistent. She always ask you to go away, but in the heart ask you to stay.

Please open your ears, heart and listen to her real shout out. You can't see her tears. If you really love her, Please put her into your arms, love her more, pamper her more. We often see hurting each other in relationship. But what we need is warmness, sweetness and love and not hurt.

What she need is just your pamper, a kiss, a hug and your love...

* Appreciate your loved ones because there won't be second chance once you break the fragile crystal as girls really mean it if they are totally disappointed on you...

*Credited to Belle

When a kid turn into a young adult

Cny used to mean a lot to me... I would say it is getting weaker by years. I mean I always can't wait for CNY as a kid. But now I would only look forward to it's angpau receiving and family reunion time. The rest like getting new clothes, having gotong-royong, eating festive food- most of it can already be done at times other than CNY. THe days where we used to go from houses to houses to collect angpau and to play fire crackers with friends has totally out of sight. Far from what can be done now. Maybe as age climbing up the stairs, changes can be ignored. We need to accept and forcefully conform to it. From the more positive view, we can try to adapt and make slight changes into what we can do now... Haha... Don't be so negative. CNY is meant to mean something important anyway. Just depend on how we view and interpret it. So people, appreciate it and bear in mind that we won't really have a lot CNY to go. Treasure each and every one of it with a cheer and hope..... Have a blessed CNY everyone..

* Shall blog about my CNY photos soon...

Contradictory

Had a great time shopping. It's been long since I really do shopping without restricting myself. That feeling is like letting go a long captured bird... Fly it goes... Thx Sing Li for the company. Had a great time and some girly talk. And realized girls actually have very similar thinking about guys or it's just us because we grew up in very similar environment. And from the conversation, I feel glad that I'm not the only one that care about that. Girls are sensitive and contradict. Knowing that it will hurts but we still dig a hole for ourselves to fall into it. But I tell you, guys is even worse. Telling us to take care and don't want us to diet, loving how we are but actually you guys to care a lot. Appearance is a major factor when you choose your partner. Think hard, it is embedded in your inner self. So do face the reality. Another thing that I think the world should be concerning is the gender biases that are spreading all around the world. Why there are privileges that only guys enjoy? That is so unfair... I'm so sorry if I offense anyone. It is just some personal opinions and thoughts I suddenly came across. I wanted to promise myself not to do that again.. That will only hurt myself and I'm shouldn't be that silly to be heart aching because of this...

Time and me

I am really really broke.
2molo is the Halloween Massacre Night.
I am lazy recently.
2molo need to stay at Uni till quite late.
I am studying the book of Matthew.
Yesterday i din go for class.
I must admit I am a mild Shopaholic.
3 weeks from now, I'm going to Northern Thai.
I am not ready yet, physically and mentally.
Last week, I say bye2 to my W595.
I still using my mum's old phone.

Time and me,
Similarities: So unpredictable
Differences: Time flies but I only walk...

Buying Behaviour

Relieved... Just submitted my Consumer Behaviour individual paper to Turnitin.com. It is a good assignment I would say because it actually makes me think as a consumer. Gain insight completing this assignment. I started to think why I purchase certain products but not the other. Am I going for the quality? The pricing? To get approval from the society or a sense of belongings to a group? Haha.. Interesting topic to think of.. We conscious and unconciously will influenced by internal and external factors.

Everyone has their own buying behaviour and intentions behind it that drive the decision making process and we need to find out so that we can better control our mind rather than being controlled by the marketer--> especially Marketing Communication Major..

I wrote on why I choose Maxis Broadband, like to shop at Forever 21 and support certain events. I have never sit down and think thoroughly in the past for things like that. So, this is a mind triggering exercise which I think consumers today should practise to avoid any misleading by the media world...

The Media and Culture

Boys and girls, males and females, I heard lots of depictions about it. Venus vs Mars, Cats vs Dogs, and lots more. What makes us so different besides the extra Y in the guys genetic. But actually it does differ dramatically from one another. Apart from the genetic part, I would say the main contributor to the situations now are culture and media. We can't escape from the influence of both things I'd mentioned. We always told to do certain things and perform in certain way. When we think it in another perspective, why can't guys wear pink and play with Barbie Dolls and why can't a girl speak loudly in the public and not wearing any skirts their entire life. Who shape our thinking and way of looking at things? Again, the media and our culture. When we think of how your parents tell you that you should sit a certain way because you are a girl.. Television showing how man a guy is when they are bold enough to take revenge for his loved ones.. When advertisement we exposed to tell us pink is for girls and blue is for guys... In other way, we are actually being manipulated by them all this while. We grown up thinking that this is the fact but who determine what is the fact and what is wrong? I learned a lot of this in my course especially Anthropology but yet I can't deny that I can't escape from it although I'm aware. Maybe we are too used to it dy, so it's rather hard for us to actually totally escape from it but to ignore it. That's human, often we don't things that we know. We know there should be fairness first before unity but yet we IGNORE. We know that smoking and drinking is bad for health and yet we can't RESIST the temptations. We know we should not be playing with relationship but we see the divorce rate is skyrocketing.. Haih.. The IGNORANT of human..

Shall be continued soon...

The Reflection behind Birthday

Firstly, I wanna say Happy Birthday to my dearest 2nd sis. Today is her bigday.. Early in the morning, we went out had dim sum for breakfast. In the journey there, I had some inspiration from my sis about the other side of looking at birthday. We always think of how to celebrate our birthday, what present we want, what we want to wish for and all sorts of celebration to make yourself the happiest people on that 24 hours time. But did we ever try to think the suffer and pain that our mum had to bear during this "bigday- on the day that you are born? I think it is a good day besides Mother's Day to nicely thanks our mum for bearing such a big pain that can't be describe with words just to bring us to this world. Haha.. They did so much for us and yet we only think of having fun ourselves with friends during our bigday. hehe.. Next time, we should really think of ways to feel grateful and don't take things for granted. Another thing is We should also feel grateful and place our highest thanks to our Almighty God for letting us the chance to see this world and gave us such a good mum and dad to take care for us..

* Last but not least, Happy Birthday again my dearest sis.. Hope blessings poured abundantly to you and your family...

Another Chance

Some of you might know that I've been troubled by some personal problems of mine. I've been using quite some time to figure out the solution or what should I do. But at the same time, I did not know that I'm not the only person having this problem. Some might get cheated by my 'always cheerful look', thinking that I'm those alien that won't have any problems but I can tell you guys that you are all wrong. I might look happy but you wouldn't know the truth behind it. You wouldn't know how I feel or what inside my mind when I'm all alone.

Another thing is you all might think that I'm those whatever and nvm kinda person, so you all can use all kind of bully tactics and techniques on me but I should announce that I'm also a human being with flesh and blood which has feelings and emotions. I would be angry and get offended too. Never mind on that because I always had this thinking of no matter what people did to me, it wouldn't matter because My father in the heaven will know it and He knows how I feel. Okla, back to my problem, after few hours of talk, we had decided to give ourselves another chance. So hope this decision are the right one and we can get through this together. Let us put this into the hands of God because I believe the Almighty Ones will be guiding me all the way through.

In the middle of haze

Erm.. You must be wondering how's my life during holiday.. I would say it is still the same in the sense that I still busy and had no time. After exam, I had continuous outing and trips till today only had the "real time" to blog. I keep spending money as usual ( Surprisingly, less online shopping ) Seriously, now the thing that I should get first is a wardrobe. I can sense that my current one is gonna burst into pieces anytime. Recently, I also had lots of planning to do, plan for a farewell party, a missionary trip for fellowship, future and much more pieces of stuff that requires hard and deep thinking. Something that might change my life and crucial for me not to avoid but to face it. I know it is not easy but I'm glad that I'm not alone but with people that always there to support and most importantly my God that is my ultimate help. Now in the middle of my holiday, I hope that this 3 weeks holiday will be very productive and content. Shall evaluate my performance towards the end of the break. Hope won't be dissapointed.

Gambateh dear and all the best for your exam. I know you can do it. Take good care of yourself too.. Miss you

Just a piece of expression

Oh no!! What the hell is this Universiti Tolong doing?? Their management or admin is terrible. Their SAL and time table is a total mess. Can't they just prepare us with a proper and set time table. We really don't want to be stressed up and lost every 1st week of the semester. It's not so funny, PEOPLE!!! I know you guys wanna create a study environment with flexibility. It sounds so good and professional at the same time but let me tell you something, flexibility without options is totally failure, UNDERSTAND?? But anyway, luckily i manage to settle the time table for the mean time. The most crucial issue now is whether everyone manage to graduate on time or not with this kind of system. As we know some of the senior need to drag until their fourth year in order to accomodate themselves unwillingly to this so called system that promotes flexibility. WTH??? Please, someone do something about it. Hopefully our new HOD will realised what's happening and perform some miracle on the department because as some of us might know, our department is dying weyy...