Bodoh me...

Am I really wrong? I just wanna care more and I really couldn't understand why my effort is always being stepped and put aside like beggar?? I did so much but why you wouldn't know to appreciate? I really don't want life like that.. I want someone that is supportive and always know how to appreciate me. So hard? Whether to go the gathering, now I should think properly.. before meeting them better make sure whether there's probability for us to go on or not.. I am so stupid for putting so much effort.. Now I don't think I want to do all thatI have planned dy.. Why should I? In return, just not appreciated and I am the wrong one.. Looking forward? Please la, don't be so naive.. What you think is good, doesn't mean people will like it.. Bodoh betul.. Please be more wise la, Sher... Waste your effort and more tears coming only... I realy feel like crying now.. but no1 will ever sakit hati for you also.... stupid

Emptiness is killing..

Why do I feel so empty inside suddenly. I should be sleeping at this time but I am here wandering around. I don't know why this feeling suddenly came attacking me in the middle of the night. I guess this is a signal that I am getting further and further from HIM. So sorry, I have been wandering and loitering that now I don't really know how to find my way back. Or am I feeling too insecure with things surrounding me? I couldn't give an answer to all my questions arousing..

Another 17days and he will be back to my side. But am I really sure with that? Physically coming back but what about mentally? Is everything will back to normal after he back? Is that all? His heart will return to what it was? I really couldn't predict the future nor does he. But I think I should put more time on thinking whether we should continue this or not.. I don't want things just keep repeating and the cycles never stop..

Emptiness really kills.. Scary..

Stronger..

I really hate myself so much. Hate myself being too weak. I can actually live on my own. Why I can't just keep him out of my mind. I can't be any stricter. I said we will only contact after a while, every time I wanted to show him that I am angry by not contacting him, it won't last long.. Just 2days after we chatted and I feel like leaving him a comment. He promised to reply my mail since last Wed, and he is off this 2 days, but I haven't received any reply. I don't think he will reply me by today, it will be a waste only waiting for it, checking it every minute because he is now having fun with his "friends".. Who i am to him? I don't think it is really as important as I thought. I don't care who is reading this, but in fact I don't think there's reader for this dull blog. Haih.. Please be stronger la, Shermaine Chan.. It will only bring sorrow and disappointment to yourself. So please be rational la.. Accept the fact...

San Fu la....

I really feel wanna burst weyy... Why no matter how many times I say still don't understand. Maybe you are not me, you wouldn't understand fully what I am undergoing now... So sanfu ar.. I am like living alone and independently all by myself.. dunno la, I dunno whether it will evolve until I don't need anyone else to share my life with dy.. I really dunno....

Fortnight..

It's been 2 weeks since dear left. Still remember that time at airport, I am so glad that his friend were there to at least give me some comfort. And I did not cry at all.. Looking at him leaving and disappearing from my sight for a total of 5 months, 151days. That is not an easy task. This 2 weeks was like forever.. And after so long of waiting and adapting to days without him, I realize that my adaptation indeed very bad and slow. I still feel the pain and loneliness despite the loads and tonnes of activities I make myself involved in. I miss you so much my dear. Now left with 139days to go and I hope the day will come very very soon..

Dear, take good care of yourself k?

With dear and his family

Thanks to this bunch of friends for coming..

With the 1st pair of sweet couple

The 2nd pair

Love you so much too my dear..

Dear, rmb to take care and will be waiting for u here

* dear, rmb the new promise that u said that day... But till now i did not see the changes yet.. 2 days pass dy...

Can I still bear with it?

Can i still bear with it? I keep making myself packed with so many stuff ever since he left.. Am i really that busy or I just wanna avoid being alone? The loneliness at night is really horrible. Not everyone can understand.. They keep telling me that it's short, very fast one, but they wouldn't know what I need to face. I smile, I laugh, I make fun of everything, but behind the smiling face, can u see the tears? The tears that no one Un and will ever wanna care to discover.. Can I still bear with it? A good question.. but now left to see what he will do...