Friday, December 24, 2010

The days with him around...


Ever since he came back, so many events, outing, celebrations and trips going around.. What a busy and wallet bleeding month. Full of tears and laughter at the same time... Lazy to blog one by one, as usual, pictures do the talking for me..

Outing ( Pavillion )







Hatyai Trip

'





41st Anniversary Celebrations




My 23rd birthday Celebrations




Malacca Trip



Sing K session with dear's YNP gang



Actually there's tonnes more but I am only choosing some to post it up here as an update to those who sincerely wanted to know what's going on in my life recently. Pictures on lunches and Mal's birthday celebrations is yet to come. Another thing that I would love to announce to my dear blog reader is I decided to try my luck at our neighbour country, Singapore. Now seeking around for jobs, anyone has any contacts or recommendations, do contact me personally ya.. Thanks...


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Piece and bits of life

Remember I was saying about thinking whether to attend the day or not? But that is just the outer me, inner me am so happy with the invitation. I told all my close friend about it and they realize how excited I am. I already spare that few days for this. I rejected a few invitations too. I am even thinking about the preparation for that night already. I even told my mum about it. But a news drag me from heaven to hell. I am so disappointed. I have a feeling that I am not yet accepted by them. I am still not part of them. How do I tell people about it? I am just being silly to be so simple-minded. What can I do? Even him is not fighting for me. I can just say ok, fine ( nod my head unwillingly... sob sob.. )

Sometimes I think i am too overstressed on the term responsibility and promise. I always put so much burden on myself and I need to fulfill all the promises. I think that is very important or the basic element of a human being. but i think i am overstressing it.

I am done with my thesis. Finally everything is done. job hunting will be starting soon. hope that I can find a job that I am desired of..

Monday, November 29, 2010

Tired..

Just back and it's super tired.. shall blog about it very soon with pictures..

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Craziness

Me


Dear..


Us at Pavillion..


Another one..


The outdoor view but a little too small



Thesis is driving me crazy..
Another two more days to our Hatyai trip.. Hopefully the tedious task will come to an end. Tired of planning and co-ordinating..


Monday, November 15, 2010

The Important Reunion...

Finally the long waiting 155days has come to an end.. I was thinking maybe the felling would be very different after going through all the things this 5 months.. Ya, the moment I saw him from the arrival, I have some weird feeling and the feeling is like I don't really close to him.. I don't know how to response.. Maybe because we have not seen each other for 5 freaking months.. But all the feelings came back straight after a while.. Today the first day was awesome.. I can feel the feeling that we have for each other in the very beginning of our relationship.. very sweet and loving.. As if in our eyes only manage to place each other.. Dunno leh, maybe this is one sided but I am really satisfied with today.. haha.. hope the happy2 and sweet us comes back will lasts......

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wishlists..

I have so many plans in mind.. Since no one will read this blog, might as well I just write it here to remind myself the incomplete missions..

I want to:
  1. Korean Food again at Korean Village
  2. I-City, Klang
  3. Ikea meatball
  4. Mahjong session
  5. Tony Roma
  6. Sashimi..
  7. Buffets..
  8. Puchong Shabu Shabu
  9. More trips: short or long will do (Ex: Bali, East Malaysia, Malacca and Genting again? Island: Langkawi, Redang, Pangkor)
  10. Getting an Iphone
  11. More movies.. Long since I watch movies..
Uncountable things I wanna do... Haiz.. Don't when can I do all of this?
And another thing, all this 23 years of living, I finally know my lunar calendar's birthday: 23/10..
Means it is equivalent to 28/11 this year.. If everything alright, I will be at Hatyai celebrating it..

I am really do not understand why sometimes I have to take all the blame that I have nothing to do with.. Those who close to me will know the thing I hate the most are false accused and frame but why did I take all the blame although I did not at all intend to start any arguments? I really don't know why... So pain but i choose to use that heart bleeding way to stop the arguments.. People always say, what make my day? I would say now what ruin my day? because I am blind and stupid lo.. No other explanation for it..

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A blog with no reader...

I am right.. This blog has no reader.. No one reads my blog.. that is good.. Means I can crap and shit whatever I want here...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

8 Signs of Rocky Relationship...

WHEN a relationship ends in divorce, you often hear one partner exclaiming that he/she had no idea things would have turned out that way. Really and truly though, relationships don't just go sour overnight, there are normally tell-tale signs that scream that something is not right. Some people ignore these signs, hoping they will just go away, while others are too busy to even notice them. Couples should take the time to examine what they are doing right and look for ways to improve those things that they are not.

If you ignore the signs, you should never point fingers or blame anyone if things don't work out your way. Here are eight signs to identify a rocky relationship.

Sign # 1 — Communication is minimal: If you find that you are only exchanging words about the weather, the children, the house, or if you are just saying hi and bye, or yes and no, then your relationship could be in big trouble. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, you should be engaging in regular communication. You should be talking about your hopes and dreams, your joys and sorrows and everything else in-between.

Sign # 2 — When sex is by appointment only: Some may feel that because they are still engaging in sexual activities then all is well; this is not necessarily true. Remember that some people will have sex only out of a sense of duty, no motion, no lotion, or anything of the sort. Mark you, it is a couple's prerogative to choose sex by appointment, but eyebrows should be raised if that's their only method.

Sign # 3 — Constant threat of divorce: For those who are married, it is wrong to keep on threatening your spouse with divorce as soon as you are displeased. When you consistently entertain the thoughts of divorce, it will easily become a reality. Constant mention of divorce can suggest that you are unhappy, dissatisfied, or disappointed and you want out. Do not even joke about divorce, because it is a negative word and it can have negative connotations.

Sign # 4 — Talking down to each other: When you are downright disrespectful, that is one sure sign that your relationship is heading in the wrong direction. Watch your words, and let only the pleasant ones escape your lips. Talking down to each other should be a definite no-no.

Sign # 5 — Consistent arguing: Have you ever noticed how some couples are always arguing? Everything that one says offends the other? Couples who secretly resent each other may not verbalise their true feelings but sometimes, unbeknownst to them, it shows up when they are relating one to another.

Sign # 6 — Lack of trust: Regardless of what might have happened in the past, couples must find ways to restore the trust factor because it is a foregone conclusion that lack of trust is a root cause of breakdown in many relationships. I can almost hear you saying it is not that easy, but never fail to try and keep on looking on the bright side.

Sign # 7 — Plans only for self: Single people tend to think 'I', while married people normally think 'we'. Therefore, when things are not going right in the relationship, one partner may even subconsciously revert to the 'I' way of thinking.

Sign # 8 — Your spouse is not your friend: Lots of family therapists will tell you that your partner should be your best friend and I agree that this is the ideal. However, this might be easier said than done. If this is not your case, continue to work at it. If your spouse is not your friend, not even in a minute way, then it will only be a matter of time before your relationship ends.

Remember that your relationship is like a plant, treat it well and it will blossom and flourish to beautify your surroundings, but leave it unattended and uncared for and it withers and dies. A plant that is on the verge of death can be restored to life with proper care. Likewise, a relationship that is on the rocky road can be revived, if you are aware of what to look for and how to make the appropriate amendments.

Magic Word

Got scolded just to wait for him to on9..
Got burned just because to learn to cook him something..
Needed to work very hard and survey all around just for his birthday present..
Sleepless night for 4.5 months just to wait for him..
Wake super early because worried about him..
Spend so much for him..
Planned so much and face so many obstacles just for a happy trip..
Got accused and being commented by friends which all the accuse is not true..
Tears are poured just as the greatest waterfall..
Mentally and physically exhausted because of him..
ETC & Etc & Etc... uncountable...
Everything is for him..

I am amazed that how Love can do to a person.. One can lose his mind totally for the word "love". one can totally become irrational and do whatever for the person that he/she thinks worthy.. But in return, what that person can get? If he/she is being appreciated, the love will flows continually and happily. But what if not? The suffers are feelings cannot be translated into words.. really fascinate how I can undergo all this pain and yet still can survived.. But how's the future? No one knows except the Almighty One.. It seems not bright enough for me because everything seems so one-sided.. What I am holding to that makes me still go on? I guess is the same old word: LOVE

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bodoh me...

Am I really wrong? I just wanna care more and I really couldn't understand why my effort is always being stepped and put aside like beggar?? I did so much but why you wouldn't know to appreciate? I really don't want life like that.. I want someone that is supportive and always know how to appreciate me. So hard? Whether to go the gathering, now I should think properly.. before meeting them better make sure whether there's probability for us to go on or not.. I am so stupid for putting so much effort.. Now I don't think I want to do all thatI have planned dy.. Why should I? In return, just not appreciated and I am the wrong one.. Looking forward? Please la, don't be so naive.. What you think is good, doesn't mean people will like it.. Bodoh betul.. Please be more wise la, Sher... Waste your effort and more tears coming only... I realy feel like crying now.. but no1 will ever sakit hati for you also.... stupid

Friday, October 29, 2010

Emptiness is killing..

Why do I feel so empty inside suddenly. I should be sleeping at this time but I am here wandering around. I don't know why this feeling suddenly came attacking me in the middle of the night. I guess this is a signal that I am getting further and further from HIM. So sorry, I have been wandering and loitering that now I don't really know how to find my way back. Or am I feeling too insecure with things surrounding me? I couldn't give an answer to all my questions arousing..

Another 17days and he will be back to my side. But am I really sure with that? Physically coming back but what about mentally? Is everything will back to normal after he back? Is that all? His heart will return to what it was? I really couldn't predict the future nor does he. But I think I should put more time on thinking whether we should continue this or not.. I don't want things just keep repeating and the cycles never stop..

Emptiness really kills.. Scary..

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Girl, the 8th wonder of the world...

All about a girl:

When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.
When she is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When she staring at you, she is wondering why loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted.
When she calls you everyday, she wants to know how you are doing.
When she sms you everyday, she wants you to reply at least once.
When she says I miss you, no one in this world can miss you more than her.
When she says, i will stand by your side, she will stand by you like a rock.
Girls always special.
She is said to be the 8th wonder.
She is always a priceless treasure.
Never hurt her or take her wrong or for granted.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

You asked for it..

Why do I need to pay and then people still don't want to use your IDD? Why do I make myself till this level? When people not care, why should I care? Please, think rationally... On9 when other people on9 is such a bullshit thing. Will reply your email is also another bullshit. Will update you is the biggest lie where till now I don;t know a single thing about what they have done. I promised myself not to complain anymore. Or I should say I won't say much thing dy. I won't leave anything or say anything.. You want it that way And you asked for it.. And here you go.. No news from me anymore..

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The candy of the day...

@ Boyfriends who actually treat their girlfriends like princesses :)

@ A guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and just listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...wait for the boy who kisses your cheek to show he cares.

@ Girl; how much do you love me? Boy; look up at the sky. Girl: don't change the subject! Boy: just do it! Girl, okay what am I doing? Boy: count how many stars there are? Girl: impossibe. Boy: and so is explaining my love for you♥

@ Girl: How much do you like me? Boy: Looks at grass. Girl: Hello? Boy: Can you count how many pieces of grass are on the ground? Girl: IMpossible. Boy: Excactly. Thats how hard it is for me to explain my love to you.

@ Boys who send good morning beautiful to their girl; holds her hand infront of their friends; sits down and talks to you when you have a problem; and making sure that each minute he tells you you're the best thing that's ever happend to him! ♥

@ Oh Im sorry, I thought I actually meant something to you... Silly me. on We ♥.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Man that don't deserve a job...

I know it's been long since I crap here.. Yesterday is a day where I learn the cruelty of reality. Working life really let me learn a lot. I have never met such a person but it also makes me realized how a person's exterior appearance really did make great effect. I always thought that if I do what that is suppose correctly and nicely, then I can succeed but actually it is really far more complicated than what I naively thought. I could say this person makes me doubt about my thinking and ability but after a few chats with friends, I really think that is his problem. Totally someone that shouldn't be given a proper job. Wasting salary and the vacancy. Should have just let other more capable person to get the job. Bler.. I know I shouldn't be hating him but I just can't help myself. Maybe now I dun hate him but definitely not a sense of liking him.. blerr.. Stop humiliating me with money and believe me, it is your lost not choosing me.... Don't regret!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Bad Mooncake Festival..

What a Mooncake Festival.. A very lonely and boring one.. Looking at the playground every1 is there playing candles and tanglong which seems to familiar to me but there's no more chance for me to play.. A festive season that is suppose to be reunion season and also a day that we spend with the loved ones but I am alone at home looking at the laptop screen. I think dear sure 4gotten about this but I guess he also not so sure about this special day where he did not even celebrate it.. Besides the lonely feeling, there's so many bad news that I got, makes me having a mix feeling the whole night. Hopefully everything will goes well and I really don't want this kind of Mooncake festival anymore.. I don't care.. I shall do something next year..

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Follow the Heart

Am I doing what I suppose to? I am just following my heart and I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just want to do what I can to make the relationship better. So sorry if it makes you feel bad. I can have all the blame but I know this is the right decision to make. If not, more problems and suspecting will arise. At least now I don't have to worry so much. I hope you can really understand why am I doing this..

Monday, September 13, 2010

I am not myself anymore?

I wanna be myself..
I wanna be joyful and bubbly as usual..
I wanna focus on other things too..
I don't want to hurt anyone..
I don't want to be negative and sensitive..
How come my sight is that narrow recently..
How do my heart support the rate of painfulness everyday, every minute..
I want dear to be back asap...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The starting and ending of 8th...

Is that the end already? 8th is the starting point and also the ending one? Honestly I miss him... So many flash back of the moment we had together. But what to do, I gave opportunity but he did not really say anything wanting to get back into the relationship. Although the IDD time finishes, he can still come on9. But he did not.. So he is not really so wanted to rescue our r'ship also. So, I guess that's it la.. From now on, I have to get used of removing one person out of my life and start treating all his things as normal. Start tidying up the feeling, the explanation to everyone and everything relates to this 3 years.. So many and it is getting so heavy to do all this because I still love him..

Monday, September 6, 2010

The three words...

Although you cannot be there for me when I need you, at least a show of support will work too. But unfortunately, I do not even get a word. I guess the overwhelming of activities ( farewells, earning $ and outings ) make you to be too occupied and is harder to remember my stuff. I am sad but I will try to understand. I don't want to start my emo-ness all over again. Hope you can realized yourself that you have forgotten... Whenever I listen to this song, i reminds me of the times dear sang me this.. It was super touching and funny... I really hope to listen to it again. Regret that I did not record it.. At least it can cheer me up in moments like this..

Friday, August 27, 2010

Another Inspiring Love story..

Recently I always came across very inspiring and meaningful short stories... Here is another one..

Mr & Mrs XYZ walked into the marriage life for almost two years already. Mr. XYZ is a DSLR fan where he likes to capture the beautiful images of people around him. Even their own family portrait and wedding photo were taken by himself. Mr. XYZ loves Mrs. XYZ so much that he won't say no to all the requests from his Mrs... He tries to satisfy all her needs. Unfortunately Mrs. XYZ is someone with bad-temper and likes to throw her anger on him. No matter what, Mr. XYZ still loves her so much. One day, Mrs XYZ's best friend made a special request from Mr. XYZ to be the photographer for their wedding in the next 2 weeks time. Mr. XYZ refuse to do so because he doesn't want to. But Mrs. XYZ feels that it is such a shame and thinks that his husband is not giving face to his best friend. So, she started cold war and throwing her emotions to him everyday. One day, Mr. XYZ came back and before the wife could start another mouth war, he told her that he wants a divorce. Mrs XYZ thought he is just kidding and continue scolding him. Suddenly, Mr, XYZ took out a photo of a girl from his pocket and said " I have someone in my heart, this person is quite pretty and most importantly she is so supportive and won't force me to do anything, Why don't you have a look on her?". This time, she break out and slapped him. Mr. XYZ did not say a word but went to sleep straight. In the middle of the night, the sad and disappointed MRs. XYZ was thinking about the sweet past that they have been together and she went to his husband's side and look for th picture. She wanted to know what kind of girl that makes her marriage a total gone. She burst into tears when she saw the picture was actually herself.. She later realized how wrong she was to force her husband doing things that he doesn't want to. She gave a light kiss on the forehead of his husband and at this time, Mr. XYZ open his eyes and hug her into his arms and said, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U, DEAR!!

Love is on appreciating and accepting all the good and bad about a person. When you have decided on him/her, try your maximum best to be committed to it and love him/her...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I don't give a damn anymore...

No more tears..
No more upset alone..
No more asking you to do this and that..
I will never care so much anymore..
I can still survive on my own..
I have so many people that care for me..
I won't sad anymore for people that don't know how to appreciate me..
Up to you what you wanna do..
Up to you how you treat our promises...
Coz I won't give a damn anymore..
Please don't regret...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Love's Best friend is Honesty...

Hiding your true self is really something hard.. It is not something easy, at least not to me. I am those that will need to speak and burst out everything in my mind. For me, to keep quiet when I know something is not right makes me like a great sinner. I think of it all the time and it makes feel really sad and lost. I couldn't believe that this happens to me too.. I really wanted to find out the truth and be very frank to him. I know it is not a healthy thing to be dishonest to each other in a relationship. I hope he can be honest to me this time and hopefully the outcome is favourable. I really can't wait to solve it at tis minute too because I really cannot stand the pain anymore. Please don't cheat me anymore.. It hurts so much...

Friday, August 20, 2010

Lost and Found...

I am lost..
I don't know what to do..
What is the right thing to do?
Afraid of taking the wrong step..
I want to follow my heart..
I guess that is what the most appropriate one..

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Love and Marriage...


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

Sunday, August 15, 2010

And the story continues..

  • You know how it feels when you are someone that is impatient but yet you need to wait for something always. It makes you feel that you are forever waiting. I think one day I will be immune and it might not be something good I guess...
  • I am happy because I thought I finally get some effort from him but actually it is just a reminder that you asked someone to do... Total disappointment..
  • Yesterday I heard a really inspiring theory from Peter. He says that actually all this while we have been mistreating relationship. Why we can live so happily during the not-yet relationship period, this is because we don't have a relationship at that time which will in return doesn't place much expectations on each other. So, when we get into a relationship, we will tend to set an expectations or standard for each other to achieve and when any party couldn't meet up to the expectations, then conflict will occur. So, in order to continue a relationship, we need to think it as no relationship. Treat each other like before. Got relationship= no relationship theory. Generally I agree with the theory which I think it's a new perspective of thinking about relationship but for me, if I did not place any expectations towards him, then what is his difference with other people. I think basic type of duty and action should be done.
  • He says he need more time, so as what I have promised myself, I will give him more time and he won't get anymore disturbance from me...
  • Quoted from Wai San, "Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without". I thought I found one already but I really doubt now that is he feeling the same towards me.. If he does, I don't think he still need time to think about his dream future...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

A dream future without me or a simple future with my company?

What do you want? It is 10 days since you replied my mail and 4 freaking days since we chatted. Or I should ask, what do I want? Why I am so desperate? People is not so worried, why are you so gan jeong.. I really hate myself for being like that. Why should I be so depress and checking out every minute to see whether he is on9 anot? Who knows he is enjoying himself so much while I am the only silly one that cares so much.. I should enjoy myself to the max coz if he does not appreciate me, then it is totally his lost... Be stronger and firmer this time...

A nice phrase that I have created few days ago,
" A dream future without me or a simple future with my company? "

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Stronger..

I really hate myself so much. Hate myself being too weak. I can actually live on my own. Why I can't just keep him out of my mind. I can't be any stricter. I said we will only contact after a while, every time I wanted to show him that I am angry by not contacting him, it won't last long.. Just 2days after we chatted and I feel like leaving him a comment. He promised to reply my mail since last Wed, and he is off this 2 days, but I haven't received any reply. I don't think he will reply me by today, it will be a waste only waiting for it, checking it every minute because he is now having fun with his "friends".. Who i am to him? I don't think it is really as important as I thought. I don't care who is reading this, but in fact I don't think there's reader for this dull blog. Haih.. Please be stronger la, Shermaine Chan.. It will only bring sorrow and disappointment to yourself. So please be rational la.. Accept the fact...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Decisions to leave or not?

When a couple has very different thinking in their dream future, lots of unavoidable conflict will arise. Willing or not we need to face it. The saddest part is the dream future is being too practical ( logical ) or even being too sentimental.. Generally guys do the thinking and girls control the emotion. But why can't we make it balance. It is not an easy task. Coz we know the formation of guys and girls in terms of thinking is very different. Girls always think of the relationship but guys only will be too practical. Then, it is more rational that they just live their live with all the money and luxury. Is money above everything? Haih. i don't worth that much? Now waiting for the answer and I am feeling unfair because he is the one that make decision. Can't he think from my side? You can leave your family all including me? But I don't think I can be that cruel..

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Missing you..

I am missing you so much.. Can you think of other way to fix it? I really couldn't imagine the no communication life with you.. Feel so torturing.. Stupid line..

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Injured throat and heart

Haih.. I really hate this. My throat is getting worse after Saturday night. I now can hardly talk and if I talk also the voice is so unacceptable. It is something very suffering for me, someone who likes to talk. I am having hard time to control myself and avoiding myself to talk more. This is to prevent it to getting even worse. I am drinking tonnes of water and tried my best to take care dy. I hope 2molo will be better because I need to go for another partime job briefing. Now just cross my fingers, hoping for the best.

Another thing is I really couldn't imagine a most developed country like US can tolerate with this internet service that sucks till this extend. Even the worse Streamyx here will be far better than them. Is this a test? To test my patience or the faith between us. I seriously cannot see the pros of unable to contact each other la. Stupid line... Blardy hate you... Just because I miss you..

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The lovely Sick..

After a long day out with Kai lee and Fung Min, I totally fall into the M'sia version of winter. Shivering cold the whole night and really bad sore throat. Having hard time to swallow my food coz it is really painful, but this also makes me realized how good i am to have my mum beside me when I am sick. She constantly remind me and wake me up in the middle of the night to take medication and drink water. haha.. Although sometimes it is bit hard to stand the long winded brag.. but she is still the best.. love u mum although i've never mentioned it in front of u...

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Shops and Rewards

i have a new haircut but VB said I doesn't look like I had any trim on my hair.. haha.. but overall I am ok with it la.. So kevin, a good first try.. haha.. i won't be posting the picture coz I guess it doesn't look much difference also.. I had few shopping session with friends this week and the yield was not bad. Tops that are really cute and a high waisted short too.. Looking forward to wear them all.. haha...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

New attire for my blog...

Another new layout for my blog. haha.. Suddenly felt like I should give my blog a new attire since I am getting one soon.. What u guys think about this? I am so indecisive, there's so many choose but i think I will change it very soon.. What about changing it every 2 days? Erm.. i doubt i am that hardworking to do so....

Monday, July 19, 2010

Shopping therapy needed

Recently I need shopping therapy so badly. I am thinking of it day and night. I blog-hop to so many blogshops hoping that can find something that caught my eyes and I don't have to actually go to the shop physically to get some destress but i don't seem to get any.. The worst part is there seems to be no one free and available to accompany me.. Nearest would be this Friday, Wai Ling has no class so we are going for Sushi I guess. Oh.. I missed salmon so much. But Friday is like 4 more days from now, I think I can't wait till that. I am so desperate that I think I am gonna go alone one day. hehe.. It is free and easy to go alone after all. So not so bad.

Dear is doing fine in Yellowstone and enjoying a lot. Dear remember to take good care of yourself. And something that surprise me a lot is that they are planing to get a car in USA. haha.. I know the car there is rather cheap but it doesn't come across my mind that they will get one. But it is true that it is more convenient to have one rather to rent or relying on domestic flight. Talking about working, recently I am working Partime for a marketing research company and it is very exhausting. Nonetheless, it gives me the highest earning in the shortest period of time.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

1096 days in sweetness...



1096 days has passed and it is still counting. Been together with this sor2 dear for 3 years. Whole 3 years and it is hope that there's more 3 years to go. We really did lots of thing together. From going for trips, celebrating every single anni together, having dinner, going for movies, simple shopping, games, laughter, pure chatting session, massaging for each other when tired, sms-ing, chatting on phone, msn-ing, miss calling and sosoososo much more. We spent so much time together and we appreciate every single moment that we have each other beside us. Although this year we can't celebrate our 3rd Anniversary together, but I know our heart is always with each other. So will be strong and wait for dear to be back to my side. And not to forget the 10 celebrations and prezzies that he had promised me. I can't wait for it and really looking forward to it. It must be very enjoying and fun..

Love you so much my dear. Thanks for being there for me always and being patient with this naughty and stubborn dear. Appreciate it so much and missing you so much. Muacks....



Love u so much my dear.. Muacks...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Special days...

Anniversaries and Birthdays has very special meaning to myself. I value them a lot but it seems completely different to the others. I am still me, the core values I believe and strongly hold is still there. They are so important to me. But some can still forget. I just dun understand. I think he has forgotten what we have promised each other on our anniversary. I am just being silly thinking that there's surprises or at least some effort for that special day.. I am being to positive thinking and expect too much... It is the 3rd anniversary which is really big thing. i have think of something but just leave it like that... Upset..

Monday, July 5, 2010

133 days to go...

I am having my final paper 2molo. I really mean it, the very final piece then I am completely done with exams. But I still have a thesis to go, so I am still carrying the status of a student ( don't feel like admitting my age though ). It had been almost 20 days since dear left for USA. It had been a hard time for me as I really hate long distance stuff... Another 133days to go. But I am getting better I guess, hopefully nothing really bad will happen because this would be a very good experience for him to explore world outside Malaysia as he always wanted to, I know. I don't want to make this trip became the worst memory to him too. So will be strong and wait for him to be back to my side. But I also need supports and extra effort from him as I cannot make this works by myself. So we work hard together lo. I can't wait for the 10 celebrations after he is back. I am waiting for my prezzies too.. Remember that ar, I don't want the literal YELLOW STONE ar... Those you can give it to Wai Yeap and friends.. haha.... Hope dear is having a great time there, enjoying his life with his bunch of friends and most importantly take good care of yourself k? muacks.. Missing you so much right now. love u too..

Thursday, July 1, 2010

San Fu la....

I really feel wanna burst weyy... Why no matter how many times I say still don't understand. Maybe you are not me, you wouldn't understand fully what I am undergoing now... So sanfu ar.. I am like living alone and independently all by myself.. dunno la, I dunno whether it will evolve until I don't need anyone else to share my life with dy.. I really dunno....

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fortnight..

It's been 2 weeks since dear left. Still remember that time at airport, I am so glad that his friend were there to at least give me some comfort. And I did not cry at all.. Looking at him leaving and disappearing from my sight for a total of 5 months, 151days. That is not an easy task. This 2 weeks was like forever.. And after so long of waiting and adapting to days without him, I realize that my adaptation indeed very bad and slow. I still feel the pain and loneliness despite the loads and tonnes of activities I make myself involved in. I miss you so much my dear. Now left with 139days to go and I hope the day will come very very soon..


Dear, take good care of yourself k?

With dear and his family

Thanks to this bunch of friends for coming..


With the 1st pair of sweet couple


The 2nd pair


Love you so much too my dear..


Dear, rmb to take care and will be waiting for u here

* dear, rmb the new promise that u said that day... But till now i did not see the changes yet.. 2 days pass dy...

Monday, June 28, 2010

Can I still bear with it?

Can i still bear with it? I keep making myself packed with so many stuff ever since he left.. Am i really that busy or I just wanna avoid being alone? The loneliness at night is really horrible. Not everyone can understand.. They keep telling me that it's short, very fast one, but they wouldn't know what I need to face. I smile, I laugh, I make fun of everything, but behind the smiling face, can u see the tears? The tears that no one Un and will ever wanna care to discover.. Can I still bear with it? A good question.. but now left to see what he will do...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

He left..

I know I am away for some time because I spent all my time with dear.. We did so much things together and we truly enjoy it.. But this leads to another thing which we are more and more mm seh tak of each other. He left yesterday and I wouldn't care so much but to send him off... surprisingly I am stronger than I thought... I thought I will cry non stop like a baby in pain, but no single tears drop from my eyes and dear seems like having a harder time.. But this might also due to the amount of tears I've been dropping b4 that crucial day. I gain more strength from God after a god and thorough prayer. Thanks to his bunch of friends too for appearing in the airport and this might also contribute to my strongness, thanks Kermin, Evon, Chin Yaw, Fatt and Ah Yee... I am still now trying hard to adapt to the days without dear's morning and night wishes and all those naughty ideas from dear, but I know I am not trying alone.. Dear, we try our best together k? and do remember to take good care of yourself and rmb our promises... Miss u so much already... Muacks..
Will update with the pictures soon....

Friday, June 4, 2010

Back and it continues...

Just back from a great trip with HIM to our usual place, Malacca. We had a two days one night non-stop eating marathon ( not to forget it is also our 3rd Anni Trip, time flies... ) And the marathon will continues till next Tuesday because we still have wedding and a fishing trip in a row. But also start count down the days that he is leaving for US. For freaking 5 months.. Really can't imagine how the days will be. But Will be stronger and waiting you to be back. But please don't forget those promises... Shall update with pictures very soon...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Happening

Last week was really a very happy and busy week. Lots of outing, gathering and event took place. So this might be a long post. So do bear with my long winded writing style ya.. Will start with last Thursday. Had a short secondary schoolmates gathering taken place at Chatz Room, Rampai Business Centre. It's a simple yet enjoying yumcha session and I managed to introduce the famous Monopoly Deal to them and I'm glad they enjoyed it so much.

Wai Ling, Me, May Lee and Siew Tien

Change wai ling with Soo Chin



Group Picture without Soo Chin..

Next is the happiest day for Macy and Kelvin.. Their wedding. The ceremony was so touched. I wonder will I cry too when it's my day.. Haha.. They looked so happy and Macy is extremely beautiful and gorgeous. I am really happy for them. Actually I can be considered a witness of their marriage. From how they know each other, friends, getting together and now walking towards marriage life, indirectly I am there with them. haha... Hope their marriage is always poured with blessings from God. I only have few pictures of the wedding ceremony and dinner, so I decided to upload it together once I got them all.. So, be patient people....


Next, we had a small outing with the fellowship group. We went to Fun Taipei for bubble tea and then surprisingly followed by a Museum visit. That was really funny because we went there for the coffin exhibition. You might be shocked when you hear this. But it is true, we saw lots of different burying method from prehistory mankind till the latest religious ceremony. I think this will easier accepted by Christians where we have not much taboo or pantang about this. Below are some pictures but bear with the unpleasant background...


On front of the Exibition


We paid RM3 to take picture so we took like almost everything..


Group Picture



Am I scary?

Or he is scarier?

Then we had farewell for Tomy and Han. Shouldn't say it is farewell la coz they will back in a month or two more.. haha... I guess we are just finding excuses to have more outing and fun. At first thought of having simple lunch but end up at Neway.. hehe.. Let the picture do the talking..


Me camwhoring..

Shermaine and Han

Group Picture..

VB and I

Tomy and I

Failed camwhoring with stuffing 4 persons inside the camera phone..